it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
