Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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