onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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