Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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