Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
