6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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