Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When did angry sex become our thing?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
