so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
