I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize