I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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