i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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