i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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