look no pants
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
