I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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