I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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