loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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