I will die if light touches me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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