Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
