I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning