we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.