Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"