Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care