we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks