I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.