and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?