You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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