i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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