how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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