3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever