Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online