I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
