Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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