we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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