mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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