It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
