You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can't special order awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
