Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
