she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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