I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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