you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
