i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
