I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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