Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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