apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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