i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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