we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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