There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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