I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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