I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
