I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize