At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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