Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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