That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.