I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes