I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze