Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.