How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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