You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
