so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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