I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize